WEEK THREE. The Packers suck, but not as much as the Bears. So there’s that at least.
How’s your team doing? Probably shitty also. Let’s get to this week’s picks:
GAME OF THE WEEK - Minnesota Vikings (2-0) at Carolina Panthers (1-1), CAR by 7 – This could be a really interesting contest, especially if Sam Bradford and Stefon Diggs play as well as they did on Sunday night. Both of these teams have ferocious defenses. The Vikings probably have the better defense, but the Panthers clearly have the better offense. I expect this one to go down to the wire, but I think homefield advantage will be enough for Carolina to sneak ahead. Panthers 24, Vikings 20
THURSDAY NIGHT – Houston Texans (2-0) at New England Patriots (2-0), HOU by 1 – Houston is favored here because Jimmy G is down for the count, and nobody knows what to expect out of… whoever the fuck is playing QB for the Pats now. But man, Darth Belichick is always capable of pulling off a shocker. Playing at home on primetime, it’s hard for me to pick against the Pats, even if their new QB has a short week to prep for this nasty Texans D. UPSET! – Patriots 20, Texans 19
Denver Broncos (2-0) at Cincinnati Bengals (1-1), CIN by 3 – Talk about a brutal opening three-game stretch for the Bengals… playing a tough Jets team, a Super Bowl favorite on the road in Pittsburgh, and the defending champs at home. Both of these teams are looking capable of putting together a good run this year, but the Bengals need to start winning big games. The way the Broncos’ defense is looking, it might not matter that they have virtually no offense. If the Steelers’ defense was capable of shutting down this offense, Denver should be as well. UPSET! – Broncos 20, Bengals 17
Oakland Raiders (1-1) at Tennessee Titans (1-1), TEN by 1.5 – The Raiders currently have the league’s #1 offense and #32 defense. Go figure. Their offense should be enough to pick up the win here against a lesser Titans team. UPSET! – Raiders 31, Titans 20
Arizona Cardinals (1-1) at Buffalo Bills (0-2), ARZ by 4.5 – How do the Ryans still have jobs in the NFL? They’ve turned this Buffalo team from an on-the-edge playoff squad to an utter joke in just a couple years. They can try to pin blame on Greg Roman, but offense clearly wasn’t the problem against the Jets. Cardinals 27, Bills 13
Baltimore Ravens (2-0) at Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2), BAL by 1 – The Ravens are quietly off to a 2-0 start, a big step for them after a couple disappointing seasons. Speaking of disappointing, the Jaguars just can’t play like they did against San Diego if they’re expected to take steps forward this year. They need to prove they can live up to their preseason hype, but I’m not sure they can get past Baltimore. Ravens 23, Jaguars 20
Cleveland Browns (0-2) at Miami Dolphins (0-2), MIA by 9.5 – General rule of thumb for this season: pick everyone who’s playing Cleveland. Dolphins 24, Browns 13
Washington Redskins (0-2) at New York Giants (2-0), NYG by 4.5 – This is a huge game for these teams this early in the season. If the Redskins sink to 0-3 and give the Giants a 3-game headstart and an early victory in their season series, it’s going to be a long road back if they hope to contend for the division. But right now, the Giants look like the best team in this division. They’re playing solid defense, which was missing last year, and still have the potential to be a potent passing offense. Giants 27, Redskins 17
Detroit Lions (1-1) at Green Bay Packers (1-1), GB by 7.5 – The Packers may be hot garbage, but they can’t lose back to back games to the Lions at Lambeau… right??? Packers 17, Lions 13
San Francisco 49ers (1-1) at Seattle Seahawks (1-1), SEA by 10 – The Seahawks’ offense looks really, really bad so far this season. The 49ers have actually played some alright ball offensively, but going into Seattle, where the Seahawks are looking to rebound, they’re in over their heads. Seahawks 23, 49ers 13
Los Angeles Rams (1-1) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1), TB by 5 – The Rams still have yet to score a touchdown this season. They might just get one this week, but look for Tampa to come away with the win. Bucs 20, Rams 10
Pittsburgh Steelers (2-0) at Philadelphia Eagles (2-0), PIT by 3.5 – The Eagles are certainly off to a surprising start, and Carson Wentz is looking like he’s going to prove the doubters wrong after all. But the Steelers are probably the league’s best team right now, and have been on fire. Steelers 34, Eagles 20
New York Jets (1-1) at Kansas City Chiefs (1-1), KC by 3 – Really interesting game here. Both of these teams figure to be fighting for a wild card spot at the end of the year, so this game could become very important in December. The Chiefs have a fantastic homefield advantage, so I’m giving them the edge here. Chiefs 27, Jets 24
San Diego Chargers (1-1) at Indianapolis Colts (0-2), IND by 3 – The Colts have played some bad football to start this season. Now they get a date at home with a hot Philip Rivers for their troubles. Still, Indy is going to have to win one sooner or later. May as well be this week. Colts 28, Chargers 20
Chicago Bears (0-2) at Dallas Cowboys (1-1), DAL by 7.5 – Who picked this game for SNF? Even if the Cowboys were playing with Romo, the Bears were never projected to be good. With Cutler out, they stand even less of a chance… not that Cutler was at all playing well. Cowboys 20, Bears 13
Atlanta Falcons (1-1) at New Orleans Saints (1-1), NO by 3 – Hard to say which Saints’ offense is the one we can expect this year. But the Saints always play way better at home. Here’s guessing they’ll take down the Falcons on MNF. Saints 30, Falcons 24
