TLDR: I don't give a fuck about the Philadelphia Eagles. I just need to know as much information as possible to drive someone insane in 2 days time.
THE STORY:
I used to be best friends with a guy back for much of my childhood, up until the age of about 18. As we grew up, he became one of those guys who always masqueraded as a girl's "best friend" in order to get close to her, when deep down he just wanted to bang (you know the type). He was so good at this that several girls legitimately believed he was their best friend and had absolutely no ulterior motives. This bothered me of course, but it wasn't until he slowly began "best friending" my girlfriend over a period of several months (and a few other of my friend's girlfriends) that it became an issue. A big fight followed, and we went our separate ways. I broke up with my girlfriend shortly after as the whole thing drove a wedge between us.
I couldn't care about him now, and we haven't spoken for about 10 years. But he still really seems to care about me. One of my friends found his Twitter, in which even after 10 years have passed, he's still regularly making thinly-veiled references and jokes about me to some distant mutual acquaintances, shitting on my football team purely because I support them, and various other things. It's quite weird as I haven't seen him, thought about him, spoken to him, or spoken about him to anyone else for many years, but the memory of me still seems to bother him a decade later.
WHY I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE EAGLES:
I am at a stag do this weekend. It's for a mutual friend, and I've just been told this guy will be there.
In between this guy's references and criticisms about me on Twitter, the football team I support, etc etc, he tweets about the Philadelphia Eagles regularly. It seems, for whatever reason, he's a HUGE Eagles fan.
I'm not going to let the guy know I've seen his Twitter, or confront him about anything he's said, as I don't give a fuck. I'm just going to pretend to be a massive Eagles fan, as the prospect of supporting the same team as me (after he's made it clear he still hates me and the teams I support) will drive him absolutely insane.
WHAT I NEED TO KNOW:
- Are the Eagles any good?
- Who are their best players?
- Have they won anything lately?
- What's the latest news with the squad?
- Some basic history (enough to get through his inevitable "Oh yeah? Name the last _____" interrogation)
Those of you who help will be rewarded with rep, as it's all I can give you. I will also provide an update after the weekend is over in case any of you are curious as to whether this guy explodes with rage.