PCW Onslaught Episode 2 RESULTS/DISCUSSION

[KaiserGlider]

Here.

http://www.keepandshare.com/doc/6674770 ... 2-pdf-858k

[Everlong]

Hess is a creepy dude Nice way to start the show.

The Drake Bernard bit was a bit long, it didn't seem like he had a whole lot of purpose behind his promo there and I feel like because of that it derailed some of the momentum of the show. I think he could have been much more effective making a challenge with some brevity and giving off a tougher persona.

I think Bernard came off a little better in his match though, which makes me think even more that the character should be a man of action as opposed to a man of trash talk.

I like the use of the little images throughout the PDF, adds a nice visual touch.

Did Knight change the spelling of his first name?

Digging Kaiser's new edge to his character here. Beating down the ref was some great heel stuff, and this identity he seems to be taking on as the patron saint of PCW's existence is pretty great as well.

Not sure how I feel about the Brothers Comeau, I think their shtick falls a bit flat for me, and I think I'll feel the same about the Bulgarian Bruisers. If the guy's going to have a translator and if they're playing heel characters, I think they need to take a more serious approach to the translation rather than having the translator comically struggle to form complete sentences. I mean, they're supposed to be "bruisers," which is a pretty tough image, and that image gets undermined when the message they're trying to get across gets all garbled.

Pretty decent match between the two teams though, short and sweet with some good action interspersed. I think the characters (particularly the Brothers) came off better here than during their segment. Gotta admit, as much as I wasn't really a huge fan of the Brothers during their promo, that Achievement Unlocked thing is a funny bit. Adds nicely to their characters.

I dunno who the Master is and if that's an alias for someone, but I really hope it is just an alias, haha. The name itself is kinda... eh. And the video preview kind of leaves something to be desired. If you're going to tease us with your arrival, give us something to anticipate. Saying "I'm here to help the PCW, they need a man like me, if you don't like it tough..." that's just generic heel stuff and doesn't really give me much insight into what's going to make this guy different as a character. So whoever's writing for this guy, really focus on the differentiating factors of the character for your next promo so that by the time he arrives, he has a unique personality that separates him from everyone else.

Omega's a cool dude, but I'm not entirely sure about this Gryphon guy. Maybe it's because I haven't really read much by him yet, but I just feel like reading everything spelled out phonetically like that could get old quickly. I'll reserve judgment on him for now.

At the moment I'm reading this, I have no idea who the writer is for Ryan Haynes (or most of the new characters, actually) but I like what I see out of him. Reminds me a lot of Johnny Briggs or Vincent Viazon in the sense that they seem to be genuinely happy to entertain for the crowd with a pretty fun, down-to-earth demeanor. Although I think it's rather odd that he's only 20 years old... why so young? Kaiser's stuff is great as usual. Disappointing that we don't get to hear Daz talk though.

Kaiser taking the loss via countout is a great way to continue the buildup to this feud. An empty victory of sorts for Haynes, Kaiser still looks absolutely despicable. Good booking decision. I liked Daz being reluctant to make the countout, because you KNOW that Daz would never be satisfied with a countout victory.

I might have missed something from the last show, but is there any explanation as to why Miller is suddenly a psychopath? Don't get me wrong, I mean the writing for this segment was good, it's just kind of a bizarre character shift that's apparently come out of nowhere. And I think I also missed why he's targeting Daz... or has that not been revealed yet? Sorry, still trying to get caught up on stuff.

Johnny and Gia seem like a charming set of characters. I'm going to have to read more about them and about Zaid if their character profiles are up, because it looks like knowledge of their background is kind of important to understand the context of this segment. Bit of an obvious tease about an upcoming feud between Johnny and Zaid, but a simple and effective way of getting it kicked off.

Pretty solid main event, although I'd have liked to have gotten more of a sense of Hiroshi's character. Really nice use of Gia throughout the match, I like when managers and valets are used as more than just eye candy and she definitely factored into the action of the match.

Glad to see Hess and Barry have remained a team into the new fed, I always felt like they were only just getting started in WCSF.

That's all from me for now. Lots of stuff to build on from this show for sure.

Looking at the credits, I see Ali is Ryan Haynes. Well, that explains my immediate comparison to Johnny Briggs .

[KaiserGlider]

Bulgarian Bruisers aren't coming back. They were just a one-time jobber team for Brothers Comeau, so I figured they might as well be silly.

[Everlong]

Bulgarian Bruisers aren't coming back. They were just a one-time jobber team for Brothers Comeau, so I figured they might as well be silly.

Ah gotcha, well that makes sense then

I don't have a full grasp of the roster yet being new to the fed, so not all of my comments/criticisms may have been on point.

[HFX]

Gryphon is a Frenchman with a heavy french accent so I'm trying to type it out so you'd pronounce what he says as if a real Frenchman was talking. If y'all don't like it then I'll change the style up to be more English friendly.

[Everlong]

Gryphon is a Frenchman with a heavy french accent so I'm trying to type it out so you'd pronounce what he says as if a real Frenchman was talking. If y'all don't like it then I'll change the style up to be more English friendly.

Oh ok, I completely thought he was a black dude just by the way he was talking

[HFX]

Gryphon is a Frenchman with a heavy french accent so I'm trying to type it out so you'd pronounce what he says as if a real Frenchman was talking. If y'all don't like it then I'll change the style up to be more English friendly.

Oh ok, I completely thought he was a black dude just by the way he was talking

I mean he could be. I haven't really decided yet . But ya French first language people, at least everyone of them that I have met, have A LOT of trouble pronouncing the H or the TH sounds. So Happy Halloween becomes 'Appy 'Alloween and The, Then or That become Da, Den or Dat. For some reason they can pronounce Sh and Ch but then again those are harsher sounds than the softer H and TH so it kinda makes sense.

[prophet]

I'm a big fan of Hess. He's always been a unique character and ShaneO really seems to have gotten comfortable writing for him. Good foreshadowing for events later in the show!

#Munging Brilliant Kaiser.

Am I the only one who can't get used to 'Shawn' rather than Sean?! I'm going to reserve judgment on Knight. This promo was well written but it didn't really do anything for me. The whole 'saviour' thing doesn't seem like anything new and the religious side to things (the crucifiction, standing like a cross etc) feels far too similar to Amos Hess.

Kaiser is great at promos. The character went through a lot of drastic changes in the last months of the WCSF so it's nice to see him back to his arrogant, bullying self. 'Kaiser smirks, knowing he has conquered their spirit' was a great line. Cavanah really is an arrogant jackass labelling himself 'the' PCW. Daz is his natural foil right now and I'm excited to see them develop a rivalry.

I'm making myself sound like a pathetic fanboy here but Daz really is a master. He's been writing for Catwalk for so long now that he knows them inside and out. Dale's selfishness is really messing with the group's dynamic and I'm not certain Chambers and Brody are too keen to babysit the brash new boy - love Chambers btw, great that she's still around as the first lady of PCW. Comparing someone to a paralyzed Magikarp was fucking hilarious - that's how you notice when Ali has taken control of the segment

'Unless your forum got closed down by a power-hungry senior citizen' - LMAO

Really enjoy the Achievement Unlocked Xbox icons that come with the Comeau's - awesome little touch.

Another 'saviour' type vibe in this promo from 'The Master' - I know Enygma was stuck with what to write this week so I'll give him time to develop a character and maybe once he debuts he'll find a niche of some sort.

Is Gryphon Richard secretly The Pink Panther? I can't take the character seriously with that writing style but I appreciate HFX trying to do something different to make his character stand out more but if it was up to me I'd just write normally with the added French twang every now and then. Omega plays the mentor role perfectly, I'd love to see him return as a competetor although I know it's still early days yet.

Haynes is 2/2 against a former World Champion so I'm not sure why he was so downbeat. I'm sure he'll get another chance against Kaiser who probably despises him now.

So Miller has ambushed Daz this week. WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM WITH BRITISH PEOPLE?! I reckon the fact he used to be a British Lion is behind Miller's new attitude is some way. He's been an enygma lately, would be nice to see him talk next week.

Zaid didn't know who Valentino was at the start of the promo then called him 'Johnny Boy' later on in the promo I wasn't a fan of Valentino pulling the 'don't you know who I am' card so early into his PCW career because let's face it - we don't know who he is yet. Gia has a TV background and Zaid has a film background, perhaps she'll be drawn to him in the coming weeks. I know she wasn't too impressed with him at ringside but Zaid had a good week. I agree with Tim that Zaid and Sato especially need to put up profiles. It's harder to get behind characters when you nothing about them!

Glad to see Gryphon is sticking with Omega for the time being - it'd be stupid of him to turn his back on the dude that got him a job. Theodore Barry! All right! I loved this pairing and I'm delighted they're back together in PCW, looking forward to seeing them progress as a team again in the upcoming shows!

[HFX]

I'll change Gryphon to be more anglo friendly for you jerks ....but he's still saying 'Ess.

[JDD]

Dont worry Tim and Prophet ill try to have a profile up later today for Zaid!

[Daz]

I did write the Daz promo and sent along, not sure what happened to it. This was my part anyways...

Before either Haynes or Kaiser can make a move towards one another,

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[KaiserGlider]

^ I never got the promo for some reason. But it's nice to know you had it written, I went ahead and posted it as a separate topic.

[PremiumChaos]

Haha, I can change it back to Sean if it is the general consensus. XD I've just never liked that spelling. Only had it spelled differently because I didn't want to use my real name. I was like 14. XD. But honestly I am fine with with changing back.

[KaiserGlider]

I always wanted to implement the "Previously on" in PCW shows; reminds people of where the storylines were going last week in a couple of short bullet points.

Amos rocked the house in the cold-open segment. Since the end of the show ends with Barry joining Hess, I thought I'd be cool to sort of have the whole show build towards that, with Amos guaranteeing someone will join him, then Gryphon teasing that he could be that guy, then the end segment with Barry/Hess standing tall. Hess did his job here, and the silent figure standing in the shadows was really cool.

Mixed thoughts on the opening segment. I booked this with the intention of having the show kick off with a surprise, as nobody (or at least, very few people) knew that Drake Bernard was coming back, so I thought I'd be cool if he makes his surprise return with a new gimmick and then gets the upset win over the injured Foster. The start with Foster calling out Miller was done really well. Prophet said that his strong point wasn't talking, but nevertheless I thought Foster cut a good promo here.

Bernard's bit wasn't as strong. I felt he rambled on a bit too much, trying to get a lot of heel lines in so Bernard gets booed. And there was a big paragraph of dialogue in there that was too long and should have been split up in two parts. Now on one hand, Bernard's rambling way of speaking does make you want to hate him while reading. But on the other hand, I feel like Bernard's unique character or personality didn't really come across in this segment. Readers don't get a sense of why they should invest in Bernard; he came across as a generic rich heel. Now, I know PhenomRocks is an extremely enthusiastic writer who is always willing to improve, and therefore I have complete faith that he will get a lot better. So here is my advice. Make Drake Bernard have his own style, something that separates him from the rest, so when people think of Bernard they go "oh yeah, Drake Bernard, he's that guy that does so and so". Think about Bernard's WCSF career. What's the one thing that made him stand out and get people talking about him? Munging.

When Bernard was a serious heel, he wasn't really getting anywhere. He kinda sorta came off as a Randy Orton clone. That's why I suggested that Bernard should be repackaged as a more fun/wacky character when he came to PCW. Because that's how he got over in WCSF. I feel like you tried to bring that side of him out of this segment, but in the end he sounded like the old, serious Drake Bernard character that just happened to get rich. In my opinion Bernard's best line in this segment was "I'm not out here to waste my time talking about how much of you stupid mindless muffdivers live here" because the word muffdivers really stood out and gave Bernard that sense of identity and uniqueness more than anything else he said.

So as weird as this may sound, in addition to the lottery winner gimmick I think you should emphasize the "munging" gimmick for Bernard; using more words like that in his promos from now on. This is PCW, cussing is allowed in promos so you have free reign with that as far as I'm concerned. If it doesn't work, we can always think of something else. Also, I suggest reading promos of Cavanah, Daz, and Amos Hess to get a better idea of how you should pace your promos.

On to the match. Based on the responses in the PCW graphics thread, maybe I'll start pasting the ringing bell clip art in every match. If I'm not too lazy. Good match here. Both guys came off looking great, Foster putting up a fight despite his injuries, and Bernard getting the win over a major star in his first PCW match.

Shawn Knight promo was sick. Loved the title, and black-and-white image of the cross. Interested to see where this is going. Oh, and I guess I prefer if you keep it Sean instead of Shawn. Most people are used to it being Sean, so just stick with that.

Weak Link promo, not much to say about this one other than it came off perfectly in terms of the Neo Runway Chic storyline we have going. I love the Comeau Brother's video game gimmick, and I dug the GTA 4 references. If you thought Bulgarian Bruisers were too over the top in this segment, don't worry, because you won't be seeing them again any time soon. Ali, I think it'd be cool if you make a thread with all of Brother Comeau's achievements.

Still not sold on The Master. I feel like Enygma has no idea what to do with the character, and therefore we don't either.

HFX, what you said is fine. Make him a bit more anglo friendly, but keep saying 'Hess with the accent, and perhaps a couple other specific words. Just to differentiate him from Omega when the two are cutting a promo together.

Good promo from Daz (read it in the separate topic). Love the "law and order for Cavanah" gimmick he's been running, as that is the absolute perfect foil for Cavanah's attitude of acting like he owns PCW. Proud of the way we've booked Ryan Haynes into this as well, getting a second victory over Cavanah, with Kaiser still being able to say that it was a fluke.

I think I like the new Miller more than the old one. First Foster, now Daz. What's going on here?

The interactions between Zaid and Gia were pretty fun. This feud has gotten off to a good start and we look forward to booking more of it. The main event was good, and I agree with Tim that Gia was used well throughout the match. Zaid's role in this whole thing is going to be interesting to see play out. I'll go out on a limb and say that Zaid could be one of the breakout stars in PCW. Same goes for Valentino.

Like the way the last segment ended, with Hess and Barry reciting the bible. My only criticism of this segment is that it came off like it was a bit rushed, there wasn't really any commentary to sell the surprise of Barry's return or Omega calling paramedics for Gryphon instead of fighting Hess and Barry. But this was a good segment. The Disciples have reunited, and Hess is becoming a more dominant player in PCW.

[HardcoreLegend]

I look forward to seeing the character of Bernard progress as it seems so different from what we saw in WCSF. There were moments of his promo I thought were good, but some not so good.

I really enjoyed the Kaiser promo attacking the referees. We all knew he would be mega pissed from his loss last week and this was put across great this week.

I'm liking this dynamic between Neo Runway Chic. It definitely has the potential for some really funny segments between the team and I look forward to see where this ends up, whether it be with them splitting or sticking together. If it doesn't work out, I can see Melissa holding auditions to find some sort of replacement.

A decent squash match for The Brothers Comeau, however I'm not sure if I get their team. It reminds me of Cryme Tyme the way they used to jump into promos to add a bit if comedy, but for me I never really see the funny side.

I like the idea of jobbers with a bit of background, just because they are jobbers doesn't mean they can't be interesting!

I've noticed a few promos that start off in a "dark room"... It'll be interesting seeing how these characters can differentiate from each other as the weeks go by.

Having to read a segment with a French accent was a strange thing to have to do. I'm not sure if maybe it was a bit too much though. When every other word has been altered to sound French, you find yourself having to re-read. I do think its a great idea though, I just hope a balance can be found. Maybe find 3 or 5 common words that you can change and just stick with that.

There seems to be a few characters intertwined in each others business which I think will make things interesting in regard to the World Championship situation.